{"id":1137,"date":"2022-09-22T08:15:58","date_gmt":"2022-09-22T08:15:58","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/hopetrustindia.com\/dev\/?p=1137"},"modified":"2022-09-22T08:15:58","modified_gmt":"2022-09-22T08:15:58","slug":"at-first-i-didnt-like-being-in-a-rehab","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/hopetrustindia.com\/dev\/blog\/at-first-i-didnt-like-being-in-a-rehab\/","title":{"rendered":"At first I didn\u2019t like being in a rehab"},"content":{"rendered":"

My experience at Hope Trust rehab My first few days at the alcohol and drug rehab<\/strong><\/a> were not pleasant. But, looking back, they were important days because they clearly pointed out to what was wrong with me!<\/p>\n

I had consumed a good amount of alcohol the evening before I was to get admitted. To make it all the more fulfilling, I had had a couple of joints too. My thinking was \u2013 since this is perhaps the last day of my \u2018freedom\u2019, why not indulge to the fullest?<\/span><\/p>\n

So when I landed up next morning at the rehab along with my wife, I was hung over. I was not able to think straight, but projected quite a different image to the intake counsellor.As part of the protocol the intake therapist asked when and how much was my last drink\/ drug. I said \u201clast night, one and half pegs of alcohol\u201d. The counsellor smiled. I guess he knew I was lying. Which alcoholic in his right mind would drink just one-and-a-half pegs?!<\/span><\/p>\n

Fear and lies<\/strong><\/p>\n

I was also afraid. I was getting into unfamiliar territory. The counsellor recognised my condition and gently prodded me through the process of filling in forms and saying goodbye to wifey.<\/span><\/p>\n

Then I was frisked and my phone was taken away.<\/span><\/p>\n

I was escorted in and introduced to few staff members and fellow-members. An inmate who had been there for some time was assigned to be my \u2018buddy\u2019. The room was large and comfortable. But I was not.<\/span><\/p>\n

I was already experiencing withdrawal, though I had claimed to the counsellor on admission that I did not have any when I stopped for some time. The withdrawal was manifesting in anxiety \u2013 I suddenly started recalling all the little things I had left undone or unfinished. But I couldn\u2019t do anything about it. I felt I had not said goodbye to my wife, but my counsellor reminded me how I had said goodbye by giving her a hug.<\/span><\/p>\n

I was missing my phone. Really. But I said I was missing my family!<\/span><\/p>\n

I asked why the rehab didn\u2019t allow a phone. Later, I understood why. We are so stuck with outside distractions and gadgets that there is no time or opportunity to look inwards. A rehab is a place to go deep into ourselves and seek answers to all the crazy things addicts do. That\u2019s why ashrams and retreats also don\u2019t allow gadgets.<\/span><\/p>\n

Next day, a counsellor asked me how I was feeling. I said I had regret that I hadn\u2019t said goodbye to my wife. That I had some important issues to resolve outside concerning my job. That I was missing my family. And that I didn\u2019t think I really needed rehab<\/strong><\/a>.<\/span><\/p>\n

All lies. Lies that came so easily. Lies that actually pointed to deeper issues \u2013 I was not missing my family. I hardy spent time with them. In fact I was downright abusive to my wife. The truth was I was missing my booze and drugs. I was missing my phone. I had said goodbye to my wife. In fact the counsellor has insisted I give her a hug. I had lost my job recently, got physically violent with my wife and daughter who was now afraid to even talk to me \u2013 and now I was claiming that I didn\u2019t need rehab?!<\/span><\/p>\n

I didn\u2019t like what I had become<\/strong><\/p>\n

As days went by, I could see how dishonest I had become. I was not only dishonest with others, but was unable to see reality for myself.<\/span><\/p>\n

After a few weeks I discovered more about myself. I found out that I had become a selfish, short tempered, impatient, manipulative person. I began to see the huge damage may addictive behaviours caused to my family.<\/span><\/p>\n

It was difficult to face myself. But that\u2019s how it\u2019s been for a long time \u2013 avoiding reality.<\/span><\/p>\n

Somehow, with the help of my counsellors and peers, I came to accept the reality of my life. Now I had to do something about it.<\/span><\/p>\n

Putting together the broken pieces<\/strong><\/p>\n

My counsellor helped me in the process of piecing together the broken pieces, one day at a time.<\/span><\/p>\n

I began to feel good. Initially, it was a pleasure to be able to sleep without chemicals, to enjoy the taste of food, to laugh and share. Life began to come back.<\/span><\/p>\n

I\u2019m so grateful to my wife. And to my counsellor at the rehab. From pain was born a new me. It was worth every moment.<\/span><\/p>\n

Today, life continues to amaze me. There are moments when the blues hit me, but there is always sunshine afterwards.<\/span><\/p>\n

I\u2019ve finally become the person I always wanted to be!<\/span><\/p>\n

– Roshan S<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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