{"id":875,"date":"2022-09-21T10:45:31","date_gmt":"2022-09-21T10:45:31","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/hopetrustindia.com\/dev\/?p=875"},"modified":"2022-09-21T10:45:31","modified_gmt":"2022-09-21T10:45:31","slug":"addiction-how-the-family-suffers-and-what-it-can-do-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/hopetrustindia.com\/dev\/blog\/addiction-how-the-family-suffers-and-what-it-can-do-2\/","title":{"rendered":"Addiction \u2013 How the Family Suffers and What It Can Do"},"content":{"rendered":"

The members of a family are interdependent on each other.<\/strong>\u00a0Therefore, when there is stress, the whole family readjusts itself to bring stability and balance into their lives.<\/strong><\/p>\n

With an addict in the family, the rest of the family members begin to react in predictable ways.<\/strong><\/p>\n

When one member of the family suffers from addiction, there are multiple victims. Primarily, they are the wife, parents, and children.<\/strong>\u00a0They are victims of addiction, without using chemicals themselves!<\/strong>\u00a0These people suffer silently in the background, struggling to solve their problems, numbing their feelings.<\/strong>\u00a0Such persons are referred to as co-dependents while addicts are called dependents (on a substance such as alcohol)<\/p>\n

Co-dependents usually\u00a0react<\/em>\u00a0rather than\u00a0act<\/em>\u00a0to problems and pain.<\/strong>\u00a0The need is to learn to act, rather than react.<\/strong><\/p>\n

As the problems increase, they suffer from isolation, depression, emotional\/ physical illness and sometimes suicidal tendencies.<\/strong>\u00a0Family members go through an emotional roller coaster ride that never seems to end.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Guilt<\/em>\u00a0is a common and overwhelming feeling.<\/strong>\u00a0Culturally, the wife or parents are usually blamed squarely for the addict\u2019s problems. This leads to a lot of self-blame and consequently to deep shame.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Grief<\/em>\u00a0is felt when the family loses the pleasures of life.<\/strong>\u00a0In case of addiction, there is a chronic and extended loss with no visible end- loss of prestige, of family ties, of personal dignity, of feelings of love, of friends, of finances\u2026 the list goes on.<\/strong><\/p>\n

When there is no sharing and caring, it creates lots of\u00a0Anger.<\/strong><\/em>\u00a0The family\u2019s helplessness makes them angrier with just about everything- family, friends, and the world at large.<\/strong>\u00a0The addict gets angry and shouts throughout the night.<\/strong>\u00a0The wife starts shouting the next morning.<\/strong>\u00a0In either case, the other person is not listening. Continued anger becomes deep-rooted resentment.<\/strong><\/p>\n

There is also lot of\u00a0humiliation<\/em>.<\/strong>\u00a0The drunken behaviour of the addict in front of relatives and friends causes embarrassment leading to feelings of low self-worth and deep shame.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Living in such a constantly stressful state produces a lot of\u00a0Fear<\/em>– fear of future, of family life, of financial matters, of relationships, of arguments, of the addict\u2019s health etc.<\/strong><\/p>\n

These stressful situations lead to communication breakdowns in the family.<\/strong>\u00a0There is no love, caring and sharing. Instead, in an attempt to hide the emotions, the family experiences terrible loneliness.<\/strong><\/p>\n

These negative emotions lead to a predictable behavioural response called\u00a0denial.<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

As fear increases, the family denies having any problem.<\/strong>\u00a0They justify and rationalize the situation by attributing all this to \u2018too much pressure\u201d or some such external factor.<\/strong>\u00a0Denial is not lying.<\/strong>\u00a0It is used unconsciously to control fear and anxiety.<\/strong><\/p>\n

The spouse of the addict usually becomes a good \u2018enabler\u2019 with good intentions.<\/strong>\u00a0In order to show care and concern, and to protect her dignity; she covers up the consequences of the addict\u2019s behaviour.<\/strong>\u00a0She perpetually keeps bailing him out of situations to avoid an awkward situation, instead of allowing him to face the consequences of his actions.<\/strong>\u00a0She becomes an ideal, competent and protective wife, thereby enabling the addict to continue his addiction without taking responsibility.<\/strong><\/p>\n

As a family member, one must realize that addiction is a disease- not a moral weakness, nor a lack of willpower.<\/strong>\u00a0The addict is truly powerless over his addiction.<\/p>\n

The family member needs to accept this truth.<\/strong>\u00a0This will help in changing the attitude and approach towards the addict and his addiction.<\/strong>\u00a0Just as addiction has taken years to develop, recovery cannot happen overnight.<\/strong>\u00a0Addiction is a progressive disease, requiring professional help.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Some don\u2019ts:<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n