10 Parenting Tips for Recovering People

Alcoholics and addicts in recovery face many challenges every day, and for those who are parents, maintaining healthy relationships with children can be both rewarding and challenging. Addressing parenting issues during different stages of recovery can improve the quality of parent-child relationships, especially during adolescence.

Research indicates that effective parenting is one of the most critical influences on healthy development during adolescence—and for parents in addiction recovery, parenting might be an even more crucial factor due to children’s heightened vulnerability for substance use.

Some of the most critical parenting issues that are relevant to parents in recovery are:

  1. Don’t overindulge coping mechanism for guilt

Parents in recovery, just like all parents, should set limits, monitor and supervise activities and friends, and provide a structured environment that promotes responsible behaviour.

  1. Find a balance between love and discipline

It is usual for parents to find it challenging to balance loving and supportive parenting with holding a child responsible for their behaviour. However, parents need to realise that age-appropriate rule-setting and positive discipline are essential and will lead to better overall and long-term growth.

  1. Be mindful of our preoccupation with recovery

Despite the importance of frequently making significant lifestyle changes, parents in recovery should ensure that changes are managed with care and monitored to make sure children are adjusting comfortably. Moreover, day-to-day issues like arranging alternative activities for children when a parent attends recovery support groups or NA/AA/Al-Anon meetings need to be planned carefully to avoid stress. The parent can draw on help and support from trusted neighbours and extended family members.

  1. Be aware of parental absence issues

The topic of past parental absences when the parent was in the active addiction is a sensitive subject. There is no best strategy to manage this issue. One effective way is to take help from counsellors who will help you and your children overcome the trauma of those days. Continuing open and honest conversations between parents and children on this and related topics can also help. Parents need to recognise that children react differently to such stressful life events – some are much more sensitive than others. Also, as children grow older, their capacity to process information, past experiences and discuss such circumstances is likely to improve.

  1. Rebuild trust

This process can take a lot of time and works for both parent and child. As children grow in a newly sober environment, they need reassurance that the parent can be relied upon to take care of the family. Even the slightest expression of this can make a difference, such as being on time to pick up the child from a friend’s house or prompt attendance at a school event. Encouragement from family members, significant others and family friends are also helpful.

  1. Don’t be in a hurry

Children of addicted parents may struggle with negative emotions. As a parent, you should allow your child to experience and confront these feelings. Also, allow time for these emotions to process. Remember, your recovery is taking time. So, your children’s healing will take time too. If you feel the negative feelings are lingering and hampering their emotional growth, consult a therapist. A child may feel more comfortable sharing with someone outside the family system.

  1. Rid them of any guilt

Addiction plays many strange tricks. Some children internalise blame for their parent’s dependency. Tell them that your addiction is not their fault. They must know that your addiction and all of your behaviours around it had nothing to do with them. Keep telling them this until you feel like they truly understand it, as this will be healing for them and essential for you as you continue to take full responsibility for your addiction and its effects.

  1. Educate them about the disease

Apart from them not being responsible for your addiction, do let them know about the disease concept of addiction. Addiction can prey upon anyone, and it has nothing to do with morals, education, or economic status. Informing them about the genetic aspect may also help prevent them from falling into the trap.

  1. Overcoming stigma

From a clinical point of view, there is no clear strategy for helping the child—or recovering parent—overcome the stigma of drug or alcohol abuse. Recovering parents should expect to deal with the challenge and focus on the positive aspects of their recovery (for themselves and their children) and the new behaviour patterns and healthy home environments they are trying to create.

  1. Practice self-care

Self-care is ensuring that your vital needs are met. While you take care of your child’s emotional, social and physical needs, you may get too stressed and head for burnout. Increased stress can lead to several problems such as depression, anxiety, reduced immune system, obesity, memory and attention problems. These, in turn, will compromise your parenting issues.

Call 9000850001 to schedule a confidential consultation with an expert if you need support in parenting issues.