Gamblers and Their Families: Caught in the Web

Gambling addiction can have devastating effects not only on the individual struggling with the addiction but also on their families. The emotional and financial toll can be overwhelming, leaving loved ones feeling trapped in a web of lies, deceit, and uncertainty. Understanding the impact of gambling addiction on families is crucial in providing support and resources for those affected.

Dreams that are never realised

Gamblers frequently portray themselves as philanthropists and “good sports” to connect with others, masking the reality that gambling often creates distress at home. While outsiders may view gamblers as wonderful, loving individuals, their families usually face neglect, unmet needs, and a lack of quality time together.

Frustration fills the gambler’s life. They set unattainable goals, leading them to escape into daydreams. Even when they win, it doesn’t make their dreams come true, which only makes them more frustrated. Any money they win is simply used to fuel their gambling habit, rather than addressing their problems.

This cycle makes gamblers feel desperate, increases their debt and worry, and puts stress on their relationships. The addiction gets worse even as things fall apart, hurting loved ones and putting everyone at risk of serious problems.

Because gamblers often deny they have a problem, most will not admit they need help until their lives feel unbearable. Each person has to reach their own lowest point. This can happen after losing family, facing jail, or feeling like they have lost all self-respect. When gamblers are willing to admit they have lost control and their lives are out of control, they may be ready to get help. It is best to get help from a professional addiction counsellor, who can help the gambler see the truth and encourage them to get treatment.

Powerlessness of the loved ones

Partners and loved ones of compulsive gamblers may be aware of the situation to varying degrees. Some were unaware of the gambling problem at the start of their relationship, whereas others had been together for several years before the problem became apparent. Others were aware of the problem but believed that gamblers would “mature” or “grow out of it,” and eventually accept the responsibilities of a stable relationship and family, causing the “bad habit” to stop.

Loved ones of gamblers often feel afraid, angry, and helpless, which can significantly upset their daily lives. They want things to change, but feel unable to do anything and are stuck in old habits. Trying to act but not succeeding makes them feel even more powerless and like victims.

Loved ones often rationalise their tolerance of gamblers’ behaviour with reasons like love, dependence, or cultural beliefs. Many continue hoping things will improve, saying, “He is truly a good person. If he would only stop gambling, our lives would be perfect.”

The pain of the parents

Parents, like spouses and companions, may experience intense anger and feelings of betrayal. However, there is considerable confusion and guilt surrounding the source of the problem, as parents typically feel responsible for their children’s upbringing. Parents may believe they have caused it.

Parents feel disappointed and sad when they find out their child has a gambling problem. Their hopes for their child are replaced by the painful truth of addiction, which adds to their emotional pain.

Parents frequently try to “fix” their children by giving in to their demands. The gamblers, of course, will take advantage of this by insisting that the parents can fix everything by simply giving them more money.

The actions of children who gamble often exacerbate the situation. Because compulsive gamblers are very good at getting their way, these children may blame others, turn one parent against the other, and use different tactics to avoid trouble as things worsen.

Children of the gambler: innocent victims

As gamblers and their loved ones struggle with their gambling addiction, they bring with them their children, the actual innocent victims. The children sense the insecurity and instability of the parental relationship and frequently engage in behaviours motivated by fear and anger.

Children of gamblers may witness their parents fighting frequently and blaming each other, and they may also notice the gambler pulling away from the family. Because living with this problem is so challenging, the parent who does not gamble may become overly indulgent with the children, overly protective, or prone to anger. Older children may start to think their gambling parent is a big trickster and cannot be trusted. This makes them feel unsafe, scared, and angry. Young children may struggle to handle these feelings, which can lead to difficulties in school, withdrawal from social activities, or feelings of guilt for the problems at home. The best thing you can do for children in this situation is to explain the problem clearly and honestly. The truth may be less scary to them than not knowing what is going on.

Growing up in a family with gambling affects children when they become adults. Some may start gambling themselves, while others try to take care of the parent who does not gamble and misses out on a happy childhood.

Even though some children dislike gambling, they help keep it a secret to protect others from the results. Others keep trying to get the gambler’s approval as adults, even if it hurts their own well-being. Some have to cut off contact to protect themselves emotionally and financially.

Some children of gamblers later end up with partners who also have addictions, repeating the same problems they saw growing up. Being used to an unhealthy family life can lead them to relationships where they depend too much on others, based on what they learned as children.

Is there a solution? Yes!

Professional therapy is highly effective. Unlike substance abusers, gambling, which is a behavioural addiction, does not necessarily require inpatient care. Addiction counselling can help gamblers and their families break out of the traumatic circle of addiction.

Hope Trust is a leading online platform that has over two decades of experience in managing addiction. You can reach out to an expert from the comfort and confidentiality of your home.

Click www.hopetrustindia.com for an online appointment with a therapist!