4 Big Lies That Can Break Up Relationships

Some common misunderstandings prevent you and your partner from moving forward.

Empathy holds relationships together emotionally. One of the first things we lose when we allow these prevalent relationship myths to enter our lives is empathy.

Let’s examine the four most common lies that subtly damage relationships, using real-world examples to illustrate how they manifest.

Hope Trust therapists explain how you and your partner can identify these myths before they become habits and how to swap them out for stronger, more caring beliefs.

 Lie 1: “They would simply know if they loved me.”

The Trap: This misconception holds that being in perfect harmony is a prerequisite for true love. It is the idea that if a partner truly loves us, they ought to be able to sense our needs, wants, and feelings.

For instance, consider Meera and Shivan’s seven-year marriage. Meera often thought Shivan should “just know” when she needed consolation after a tough day. She began to question his love when he didn’t. As a result, Meera frequently emotionally distanced herself from Shivan, waiting for him to “prove” his love by contacting her without her request.

The truth is that no matter how much someone cares, they cannot read minds—expecting your partner to understand your needs without explicit communication risks disappointment and resentment.

Advice: Use straightforward and unambiguous communication to break this pattern. Say something like, “It would mean a lot to me if you could check in when I seem down,” instead of assuming your partner will guess. Thanks to this strategy, they can satisfy your needs while establishing reasonable expectations.

Lie 2: “Relationships shouldn’t be this difficult.”

The Trap: A common misconception is that “the right relationship” should be easy and that if it is difficult, there must be a serious problem. Although compatibility is crucial, assuming all issues indicate incompatibility is misleading.

For instance, after a few years of dating, Atul and Shivani started having trouble communicating, particularly regarding money. Shivani’s family avoided talking about money, but Atul grew up in a forthright household about it. Because of this, Atul thought they were inherently incompatible. He considered ending things rather than resolving their differences, thinking, “It shouldn’t be this hard.”

The truth is that all relationships need effort and even compromise. Even the most compatible couples experience growth phases and arguments. Problems are frequently chances to develop resilience and gain a deeper understanding; they are not always warning signs.

Advice: Rethink “hard work” as an investment in your collaboration. Rather than interpreting difficulties as ominous, consider “What can we learn from this?” Over time, resolving disagreements together can improve the relationship.

Lie 3: “My partner should make me happy.”

The Trap: This misconception stems from the notion that a partner’s role is to be the primary determinant of happiness. When partners think this, they put much pressure on one another, resulting in dissatisfaction and animosity when the ideal isn’t fulfilled.

For example, Sanjay and Gunjan were together for three years. Sanjay should be able to cheer her up whenever she was feeling low, Gunjan thought. However, as life’s burdens mounted, Sanjay found it increasingly difficult to carry out this role. Gunjan began questioning whether Sanjay was her “right” partner as her disappointment grew.

The truth is that nobody should or can take full responsibility for another person’s happiness. A healthy balance between self-satisfaction and shared joy is the foundation of true relationship satisfaction.

Advice: Give top priority to creating a life that suits you personally. Even though your partner can bring you comfort and joy, a satisfying relationship requires two happy people. Try engaging in pursuits that foster your passions and personal development to restore your relationship’s rich sense of self.

Lie 4: “If I work hard enough, I can change them.”

The Trap: Many people think they can alter their partner’s behaviour to suit their ideal relationship better. This strategy frequently results in resentment and control problems, particularly when one partner is pressured to change.

For instance, Sunil found Radhika’s propensity to retreat during arguments frustrating. She thought she could “teach” him to open up if she loved him enough. Radhika’s constant efforts only made Sunil feel under pressure and further alienated.

Remember, mutual respect, not one partner bending the other to suit their needs, creates long-lasting change in relationships. This emphasis on mutual respect and trust can make you and your partner feel valued and respected, strengthening your bond.

Advice: Rather than attempting to change your partner’s personality, strengthen your communication about needs. “It would mean a lot to me if we could talk about our feelings more openly.” This is a gentle way to express your concerns. This method allows for development without manipulating or altering the other person.

Understanding and addressing these four relationships’ lies can be empowering. It lets you control your relationship’s narrative and gives you the confidence to navigate any challenges.

Remember, a successful relationship is not about perfection but mutual respect, empathy, and understanding.

Dispelling these damaging myths can help you and your partner build a relationship based on respect, resiliency, and true love. This realisation can bring a sense of relief and a renewed sense of hope for the future of your relationship.

Reach out to an online couples’ counsellor if you are experiencing issues in your relationships by clicking www.hopetrustindia.com