5 Steps to enhancing your self-esteem
“Self-esteem” can be understood as evaluating oneself based on one’s capabilities and values. It acts as a buffer to protect oneself from harmful experiences. It is a source of motivation since people behave in a way that boosts their self-esteem.
In simpler terms, self-esteem can be understood as the emotional, physical, and spiritual value we place upon ourselves.
Growing up in a dysfunctional family
Growing up in a dysfunctional environment can significantly cause hampered self-esteem.
Dysfunctions in the family can include addiction, mental illnesses, divorce, separation, and inconsistent guardianship of the children, resulting in a non-nurturing environment.
Children from dysfunctional families can develop certain self-defeating attitudes. Generally, people who get into addiction seek ways to “feel good” about themselves—physically, mentally, and socially. They do so to escape the fault-finding and criticism at home rather than praise and encouragement despite putting in a reasonable amount of effort. Such children grow up feeling unwanted. These feelings may lead to a lack of healthy relationships or lowered performance in school, college, or the workplace.
On the other hand, feeling relatively comfortable with yourself and accepting yourself as you are can spill inner confidence into all areas of life.
Low self-esteem leads to an addictive attitude
The feeling of unworthiness can lead to developing a sense of not being of any value or importance. This may lead to an attitude of “care-a-damn,” which may make one invest less effort in maintaining healthy personal and professional relationships. This may lead to avoiding seeing any valuable, unique qualities.
Addicts and alcoholics frequently hold this attitude and feeling. Therefore, as a part of recovery, it is essential to focus on the area of self-worth to help them identify the things they are good at and set achievable goals accordingly. The other side of low self-worth is a feeling that others are more important. This, again, is a widespread thought and attitude among addicts and alcoholics who make other people take advantage of them. This may make them victimize themselves in their careers or personal relationships for being unable to stand up for themselves. Once the focus is shifted to their personal growth, it may be easier to recognize their needs and desires.
Emotional numbness
Growing up in dysfunctional homes can also lead addicts and alcoholics to find it challenging to identify their feelings. Negative feelings like anger and sadness may be the only ones exhibited, usually projected instead of other negative feelings.
Growing up with difficulty identifying emotions can lead to difficulty listening to their feelings and expressing their thoughts, thereby shredding various areas of life.
“Change your thoughts, and you change your world,” said the Reverend Norman Vincent Peale.
5 steps to improved self-esteem
- It is vital to bring about a change in oneself to improve self-esteem. The first step towards building self-esteem is “goal setting.” This is important because one needs to feel motivated, challenged, and excited to feel good about oneself. This is very important in helping addicts and alcoholics realize their capabilities, needs, desires, and wants, making them aware of other vital areas of life apart from drugs and alcohol. The goals to be set should be specific, measurable, attainable, reliable, and time-framed.
2. The next step towards improving self-esteem is “risk-taking.” Addicts and alcoholics need to find another “high” in their lives apart from the substance that they use. Getting a “high” from productive things in life will help one feel proud of themselves for the efforts that they have put in to reach their goals, whether they win or lose. Risk-taking is a demanding yet exciting way to discover a person’s abilities, working through limitations and fear.
3. The third step towards nurturing self-esteem is “opening up.” This is another major problem for chemically dependent people. They find it difficult to open up about their feelings and thoughts among and for those around them. This leads them to be dishonest, and in the process, they live their lives in denial. Opening up is essential because it clarifies who they are and what they want, especially to people who trust and encourage them.
4. The fourth step is “wise choice-making.” This comes from sharing our thoughts and feelings and getting feedback about our behaviours from people around us. Addicts and alcoholics have always compromised on making wise choices because of their low self-esteem. Therefore, they need to share and talk about their decisions with someone before taking any action. This needs a lot of patience, bringing us to the fifth step, “time sharing.” Growing or building up self-esteem doesn’t happen overnight. It requires a lot of patience and effort, which takes time. It is important for addicts and alcoholics, and their families to understand that if you don’t allow yourself room to grow, you may stagnate more than renew. Maintaining journals or records to assess your growth over time is a good idea.
5. This brings us to the final step of “healing.” This includes physical health and well-being, involving mind, body, and spirit interaction. It is essential to heal emotionally to feel positive and eliminate self-defeating characteristics, thereby nurturing self-esteem. Paying attention to minute details like grooming and general etiquette is essential. Meditation is also another way of mental healing to quiet the stress and anxiety within. It is thus vital to feel love for yourself and nurture yourself to grow your self-esteem.
Working with an experienced therapist will help you resolve your past trauma and lead to a healthy and joyful life.
Are you or a loved one feeling a lack of self-esteem or confidence? Click www.hopetrustindia.com to speak with a therapist, online or in-person.