Addiction : How the Family Suffers and What It Can Do?

Those who make up a family are dependent on one another. So, when there is a lot of stress, the whole family changes to bring balance and stability back into their lives.

When there is an addict in the family, the other members start acting in predictable ways. There are many victims when one family member struggles with addiction. They are primarily the wife, parents, and kids. They are addicts even though they don’t use drugs themselves!

These people struggle in silence, numbing their emotions while trying to solve their problems. These people are known as co-dependents, whereas addicts are known as dependents (on a substance such as alcohol)

Co-dependents typically react to issues and pain rather than taking action. Learning to act rather than react is necessary.

Growing problems

As their problems get worse, they feel more alone, depressed, sick physically and emotionally, and sometimes have suicidal thoughts. The emotional ups and downs that family members experience never seem to stop. Guilt is a frequent and powerful emotion. In most cultures, the wife or parents are directly held responsible for the addict’s issues. This causes a great deal of self-blame and, as a result, intense shame.

When a family is deprived of life’s pleasures, grief is experienced. In the case of addiction, there is a loss that goes on for a long time and doesn’t seem to end: loss of reputation, relationships with family and friends, dignity, feelings of love, money, and so on. A lack of generosity and compassion breeds a lot of resentment. Due to their helplessness, the family becomes angrier with everyone and everything—family, friends, and the world in general. The addict becomes irate and yells all night. The wife begins screaming the next day. The other person is not paying attention in either scenario. Deep-seated resentment develops from persistent anger. There is a lot of shame as well.

Addicts’ embarrassing drunken behaviour in front of family and friends can result in feelings of deep shame and low self-worth.

Denial

Living in a place where stress is always present makes people afraid of the future, their families, finances, relationships, fights, health, and so on. These trying circumstances cause family communication breakdowns. Love, compassion, and sharing are absent. Instead, to mask their feelings, the family suffers from excruciating loneliness. These negative feelings trigger the denial behavioural reaction, which is predictable. The family denies having any problems as their fear grows. They excuse and explain away the situation by blaming it on “too much pressure” or some other outside factor. A denial is not a lie. Unconsciously, it is used to manage anxiety and fear. The addict’s spouse typically develops into a good “enabler” with good intentions. She hides the effects of the addict’s behaviour to demonstrate her concern and care and maintain her dignity. She always steps in to save him from awkward situations instead of letting him deal with the consequences of his actions. She changes into the perfect, capable, loving wife, which allows the addict to keep drinking or using drugs without having to take responsibility.

Addiction is a disease

As a family member, one must understand that addiction is a disease, not a moral failing or a lack of willpower. The addict has no control over his addiction at all. The family member must accept this reality. This will help change how the addict and his addiction are seen and treated. Recovery takes time, just like addiction did, and it didn’t happen overnight. Addiction is a disease that worsens over time and calls for medical attention.

Don’ts for the family include:

• Don’t excuse the addict’s use of drugs.
• Don’t conceal alcohol or drugs. The addict will know how to get more, and you’ll get frustrated.
• If the person is on drugs, avoid arguing with them.
• Never try to bribe or punish someone.
• Don’t feel bad about the addict’s actions.
• Treat the addict as an adult, not a child.
• Avoid attempting to manage the addict’s addiction. Look for expert assistance.

Chemical dependency is a disease that runs in families. Recovery is worth the time and effort it takes for the addict and the family. Professional support helps.

Click www.hopetrustindia for an online / in-person appointment with an addiction therapist.