Addiction Recovery is a Spiritual Journey

(Based on a lecture by Rahul Luther at a workshop)

What is the personality of an addict?

Typical personality traits of alcoholics and addicts are:

• self-centred
• manipulative
• emotionally unstable (apparently angry)
• and impatient

Moreover, they have an irrational belief that he is right and he has a right. Others are wrong and do not have rights.

Recovery from addiction means not merely stopping using alcohol or drugs but bringing about a change in his personality.

Carl Jung, the famous 20th-century Swiss psychiatrist, had worked with a hopeless alcoholic named Rowland H. According to Carl Jung, Rowland’s only chance to recover from alcoholism was a “spiritual or religious experience—in short, a genuine conversion.” Jung went on to say that this type of spiritual experience had been happening to alcoholics for centuries, but that he did not know how to produce such a spiritual experience through psychological methods. Jung further observed that Rowland’s alcoholism was “the equivalent, on a low level, of the spiritual thirst of our being for wholeness, expressed in medieval language: the union with God.” Jung’s letter said, “…alcohol in Latin is spiritus” and that the same Latin word is used for “the highest religious experience as well as the most depraved poison.

In his correspondence with Bill Wilson, co-founder of Alcoholics Anonymous, psychologist Carl Jung stated his opinion that craving alcohol was really “the spiritual thirst of our being for wholeness. Bill W. tried to bring about a spiritual experience in the alcoholic with 12 steps to aid his recovery.

In short, recovery from addiction requires a ‘spiritual’ approach. It means changing what is within the addict. Whatever other control strategies the family or addict may try are doomed to failure:

• Job change
• Geographical change
• Changing the way to ‘deal’ with the addict
• Other attempts to change external factors

Let us try to make this simple and see what changes must occur in the addict or what spiritual challenges the addict may face.

Self-centredness to compassion

An addict mostly thinks about themselves. Somehow to get the substance, by hook or by crook. To get his way and justify his use. He feels entitled to money and privileges without earning them. He has little empathy for others and cannot feel what others may be feeling. He is at the centre of his universe.

The opposite of this is compassion. Feeling for others and willing to give way. Learning to sacrifice his desires and comforts to accommodate others. Learning to give and not just take.

This change can be termed ‘transcending the ego’ or ‘going beyond the self’. This begins with surrender: surrender of the self. It starts with the realization that ‘I may be wrong’; ‘I am not the most important person in the world’. And evolves with the understanding that ‘my happiness is linked with the happiness of others’. Slowly, they begin to feel the joy of giving, of earning respect. Through the happiness their compassionate attitudes and deeds create all around them, they start to feel worthy.

This step is also a step toward humility. In my experience, I have seen that truly successful people are humble. And the most unhappy and unpopular people are arrogant, even though they may be successful materially. Humble people are kind, considerate. Most importantly, they are open-minded. Therefore, they can learn more, taking input from others, because they sometimes think they are wrong or know everything. Thus, they continue to grow and are most likely to succeed in all areas of their lives.

Manipulation to acceptance

Manipulation is born of non-acceptance. When I am unwilling to accept reality, I will try to change it somehow. I will project a false image and try to change people, places, and situations to suit my distorted reality.

The fact is that reality is actual. It cannot be changed. It has to be accepted. As the saying goes: “I cannot change the wind, but I can adjust my sails”. Once reality is accepted, denial begins to be broken. For the addict, reality begins with acknowledging that they are an addict or alcoholic. The addict often denies this simple fact.

When they admit that they are addicts, in that case, it follows naturally that they have all the characteristics of addicts and that they have caused all the damages usually associated with addictive behaviour. The 12 steps lead gently onto the following steps: from acceptance of this basic fact to further steps to bring about change and recovery.

The addict is so enmeshed in manipulating his external reality that a stage often comes when he begins to believe in his reality. This is called ‘denial’. This distortion of reality envelops his whole perspective of the universe, and he is cut off from the real world. It is due to this denial that most addicts do not think they need ‘treatment’ Since they believe that they do not have a problem or that the pain is not so acute, they are therefore convinced that they do not need to seek a solution.

Acceptance brings comfort. A tremendous burden is lifted, and the addict is now ready to recover.

Emotional instability to calmness

The most apparent emotional state of an addict is anger. However, this is only the outward expression of his other uncomfortable feelings.

The actual emotions the addict may be experiencing are fear, shame, and guilt. These are the triggers for anger and strong feelings resulting from his behaviours. They constantly scared that they may be found out, that their manipulations may not work, that their use may be threatened, and that others will see their real self. They are ashamed of the consequences of their behaviour, such as falling at a party or creating a public scene. The feel guilty and try to make amends, only to repeat their actions.

Over time, they also discover that anger is an excellent tool to manipulate others. Family members fear his anger and try to appease him to avoid getting him angry.

Anger subsides when the emotions of fear, shame, and guilt are addressed.

Impatience in learning to wait

Addicts want everything right now. They are incapable of waiting.

However, as their recovery strengthens, the addict learns the benefits of waiting. They feel the joy of achieving small goals over time.

The addict becomes less demanding and works to get what he wishes. He begins to live more in the present than in the past or future.

This change is a process. It is a slow, gradual evolution with ups and downs.

Sobriety is avoiding stress

However, these changes sometimes occur on their own. Some of this progress requires conscious effort and adherence to certain principles as laid down by 12-step programs or an aftercare facility.

This progress may be impeded by challenges, or, as leading expert Terry Gorski calls them, ‘stuck points’. These stuck points may be incidents or symptoms of inward upheaval arising from long-term abuse of substances. These stuck points generate stress, which must be handled; otherwise, the addict begins to slide down a relapse curve.

So ultimately, staying sober is nothing more than learning to prevent relapse. Preventing relapse is essentially about learning to manage stress.

The best way to deal with stress is to avoid it. An addict must not get into potentially stressful situations: at work, at home, or at a party.

They must avoid meeting old using friends, learn to practice humility (therefore remain open-minded) and honesty (as the opposite of manipulation), share their genuine emotions (the best place to do so is with other addicts and alcoholics at 12-step meetings), and practice prayer and meditation (helps with humility and patience).

Staying sober is like driving a car without brakes on an uphill road. There is only the accelerator. The addict has to keep his foot firmly on the accelerator and cannot afford to stop.

Recovery is a lifelong process, not an event.

Irrational thinking to sanity

One fundamental belief an addict has is that ‘life should be easy’. They try everything to make life easy. The addict believes that if they get adequate drugs or alcohol, life will be good; if they get an attractive partner, life will be easy; if they get lots of money or prestige, life will be great, and so on.

But the fact is that life is not easy. Life is full of challenges. This is a fundamental truth.

If you or a loved one is struggling with an addiction issue, click www.hopetrustindia for an online or in-clinic appointment with a therapist.