Alcoholism – How Can the Family Help?

Of all the people who can help the alcoholic into treatment and support their recovery after treatment, the alcoholic’s spouse and children may be the most effective. The family has first-hand experience with the alcoholic; they know how serious the drinking problem is and its progress. They often have the emotional power to compel them into treatment.

The family’s deep emotional involvement with the alcoholic (codependency) can also be a burden, however. The family may be so desolated by the alcoholic’s behaviour that they are paralyzed with grief and guilt and unable to help. They may be so filled with shame that they hide the problem and refuse to discuss it with anyone. Or they may be so familiar with the alcoholic’s suffering when he stops drinking that they are reluctant to ask him to stop.

Understanding the disease

To help the alcoholic, the family must learn as much as they can about the disease and understand that they are not responsible for the alcoholic’s behaviour. Nothing they have said or done has caused the alcoholic to act the way he does. The disease itself is responsible for the alcoholic’s behaviour and personality changes. By learning about the disease, the family can keep an emotional distance from the problems and understand why he acts the way he does and what they can do to help him.

The family must also understand that the alcoholic has to stop drinking or he will continually get worse. Waiting until he realizes the extent of his problem is waiting too long, for the family itself may be destroyed by their involvement, and, with his family, the alcoholic is less apt to get help.

The family can let the alcoholic’s physician know the extent of the problem and enlist his help in getting the alcoholic into treatment. The spouse can explain the facts of the disease to the children so that they understand their alcoholic parent’s behaviour and what must be done to make him well again. The family can also talk to friends and relatives, outline the problems at home, and make sure that they understand the seriousness of the alcoholic’s continued drinking.

Misguided loyalty

A major problem at this point may be one of misguided loyalty. The family may feel disloyal when they reveal confidences or plot confrontations behind the alcoholic’s back, and the alcoholic, of course, will cry “traitor” if he gets wind of his family intrigues. But the family cannot rely on the alcoholic to help himself. They demonstrate true loyalty when they do everything in their power to help him get well.

Intervention

When devising a strategy for confronting the alcoholic about his addictive behaviour, the family should seek enlightened professional help. Specialized treatment staff, AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) members, a respected elder, or physicians may all help plan the intervention and choose the best available treatment program. A good rehab will also provide family support program for the wholesome wellbeing of the family by rebuilding relationships.

Finally, having enlisted the help of the alcoholic’s friends, relatives, and physician, armed with knowledge about the disease and how it can best be treated, and backed by professional advice, the family can squarely confront the drinking problem. Refusing to accept the alcoholic’s denials and evasions, the family members can calmly and firmly tell him that he has a disease, he needs help, and help is available. They should also tell him about the consequences if he does not agree to go in for recovery. The alcoholic must know that the family is not bluffing, and the family should therefore be prepared to follow through on any threats made.

This road is not an easy one. The alcoholic may deny his problem, throw tantrums, blame, or weep with self-pity. There may be ugly quarrels and moments when hope and optimism are just too painful to hold on to. Friends and relatives who do not understand the disease may believe the family is overreacting. Encounters with unenlightened physicians, psychiatrists, and other professionals who insist that the alcoholic is psychologically or emotionally disturbed (which may be either a consequence of drinking or a co-existing issue) rather than suffering a physiological addiction may be frustrating and confusing.

However, once the alcoholic’s spouse and children know the facts of the disease, they can do something about it; doing something for the alcoholic is, however difficult, less painful than continuing to be involved in his slow death. Covering up, ignoring, or denying the disease is a sure way to prolong the agony. If the alcoholic keeps drinking, the condition cannot get better – it can only get worse.

Are you concerned about your loved one’s drinking?

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