Don’t Take Yourself Too Damn Seriously
Let’s start with a question that might give you pause. When you enter a room, have you ever wondered what people truly notice? Perhaps you think they are quietly observing your every detail, hanging on your words, or noticing even the smallest actions.
The uncomfortable truth, though sometimes hard for our egos to accept, is that most people are focused on their own experiences. You might just be part of the environment, rather than the main focus. Far from being discouraging, this can be quite liberating. The pressure to be perfect and significant often comes more from within ourselves than from others.
We often mistake self-importance for self-worth. We create brands, curate personas, and defend beliefs as if everything depends on them, exaggerating successes and failures. This grandiosity is fragile, protected by anxiety and fear of being exposed.
It may be helpful to consider setting down the heavy burden of perfectionism. Perhaps it’s time to ease up on taking yourself so seriously.
The Delusion of an Inflated Ego
The ego is not a villain to be defeated; it is a helpful tool for navigating the world. It helps us maintain our sense of self and continuity. However, like any tool, it becomes dangerous when in control. An unchecked ego is a master storyteller, creating a narrative in which you are the hero, the victim, and the centre of the universe. It turns minor offences into personal vendettas. It accepts constructive criticism as a declaration of war.
This inflation is a delusion. We start believing our own press—thinking our job defines our worth, possessions show our personality, and our ideas are uniquely brilliant. The Bhagavad Gita calls this ‘the ego is the false identification of the seer with the instrument of seeing.’
We confuse our ever-changing body and mind with the unchanging consciousness within. We’re the driver, but we obsess over the hood ornament, thinking it’s what matters. This identification brings suffering. When the car gets scratched, we feel hurt; when a shinier model appears, we feel inadequate.
Carl Jung stated: ‘We are constantly deceiving ourselves through pride.’ Deep within, a small voice tells us something is out of tune. This feeling is the gap between our true selves and the grandiose persona our ego creates. The role is exhausting, and we never get the lines right.
The fleeting nature of your legacy
Now, let us go a step further, into the realm that truly shakes our ego: our own mortality and the legacy we leave behind.
Think about your great-grandparents. You’re probably familiar with their names and have heard a story or two. But can you remember their personal concerns? What about the argument they had with a neighbour in 1923? The burning embarrassment they felt after tripping in public? What specific, nuanced political opinions did they hold? Of course not. Those details, which seemed so important at the time, vanished into thin air a generation later.
Now look ahead. Your great-grandchildren will know little about you. The sting of a bad review, the need for approval, your social media image—all will fade. Marcus Aurelius reflected on impermanence: ‘Alexander the Great and his mule driver both died, and the same thing happened to both.’
This is not nihilism; it’s liberation. Trying to live a perfect, important, serious life is futile. The universe will forget the specifics. In Buddhism, Anicca—impermanence—teaches that all existence is in constant flux. Everything begins and ends.
“All conditioned things are impermanent” is the Buddha’s famous dictum from the Parinirvana Sutta.
The main lesson is simple: everything is temporary. When you truly understand this, defending your ego or getting caught up in your image loses its urgency. Focus on what matters now, knowing the details will eventually fade. Why invest so much in protecting a sandcastle when the tide will always come in?
The essential deflation: ego in spirituality and recovery
In spiritual growth and recovery from mental health challenges or addiction, taking oneself less seriously becomes especially important. A heightened ego can make progress difficult and may increase struggles.
Many addictions and mental health challenges, such as chronic anxiety and depression, can involve both an inflated sense of self and feelings of inadequacy. This can be experienced as both the belief that “my pain is unique” or “rules don’t apply,” and also as a deep sense of shame. This is ego at its most vulnerable.
Spiritual progress in almost all traditions requires surrendering the ego to a higher power or principle. You can’t receive more if you’re full of yourself. The Zen ‘beginner’s mind’ (Shoshin) means being open and free of preconceptions—possible only when the ‘expert’ ego is set aside. Twelve-Step programs start with ego deflation.
The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous defines the essential spiritual experience for recovery as profound ego-deflation at depth: “The great fact is simply this: we have had profound and effective spiritual experiences that have changed our entire perspective on life, our fellows, and God’s universe. The central fact of our lives today is the absolute certainty that our Creator has entered our hearts and lives in a truly miraculous manner. He has begun to accomplish things for us that we could never do on our own.” (Alcoholics Anonymous, Fourth Edition, page 25)
A significant idea here is that some challenges cannot be tackled alone. For example, the ego may lead one to believe self-sufficiency is possible, but recovery often begins when we recognise the need for support. This is not self-destruction, but rather building a healthier sense of self based on humility and truth.
Psychologist Scott J. Dickman said, ‘The ego is a wonderful servant but a terrible master.’ In addiction and poor mental health, the ego becomes the master, driving destructive behavior. Therapy and recovery retrain the ego to serve your authentic self’. It means quieting self-centered noise so you can hear intuition, connect with others, and accept help.
The liberating power of not-so-seriousness
The key takeaway: participate in life as a humble, open-minded learner. Letting go of seriousness allows you to embrace humility and adapt easily. This mindset shifts your focus from ego to growth, so you can enjoy life, learn more, and connect deeply with others.
Here’s what happens when you stop taking yourself too seriously:
- You become a better learner. Without your ego at stake, you can be wrong. Being wrong is the first step to being right. People who always need to be right can’t grow—they’re trapped by old knowledge. Humility opens doors to new information and perspectives. Research on the ‘growth mindset’ shows that believing you can grow with effort builds resilience, needed for success. Challenges become learning opportunities, not threats. Being humble means being teachable.
- Your relationships deepen. Vulnerability creates intimacy. Laughing at mistakes and admitting ignorance makes you human and approachable. People are drawn to those who don’t posture—they trust them. In contrast, those who constantly perform and defend are draining, and their relationships stay shallow, built on image.
- Your resilience rises. If self-worth is based on success, one failure can shatter you. If you believe you’re more than your job or achievements, failure is just feedback. It’s not ‘I am a failure,’ but ‘that failed.’ This lets you stand up, dust off, and try again. You handle rejection and criticism better than ego-driven people.
- You experience more joy. Taking yourself lightly creates the conditions for joy and playfulness to flourish. It’s singing poorly in the car. It’s dancing in the kitchen, even if you don’t have any rhythm. It’s attempting a new hobby but failing miserably. The serious person is too preoccupied with maintaining their dignity to engage in such demeaning behaviour. But it is precisely in these “undignified” moments that we frequently feel the most alive, the most connected to the simple, silly wonder of existence.
The Practice of Lightness
This is not a one-time decision; it is an ongoing practice. It is the conscious rewiring of a lifetime of conditioning.
- Laugh at yourself. Make this a habit. If you spill coffee on your shirt, do not curse. Laugh at the comedy of it. When you say something foolish, be the first to laugh. It calms the situation and reminds everyone, including yourself, that you are human.
- Seek different perspectives. Consciously read books and communicate with people who disagree with you. Do it not to defeat them, but to comprehend them. This practice systematically undermines the ego’s belief that it has a monopoly on truth.
- Spend time in nature. Stand at the edge of the ocean, gaze up at a starry sky, or walk through an ancient forest. The vastness and age of the natural world are the most powerful antidotes to self-importance. Gazing at the Milky Way makes it impossible to feel like the centre of the universe.
- Practise “Memento Mori.” Remember that you will die. This ancient Stoic exercise isn’t morbid; it’s a powerful tool for determining what’s truly important. It instantly reduces minor issues and highlights moments of beauty and connection.
- Try something you’re bad at. Take a pottery class, learn a language, or participate in a new sport. Accept the beginner’s mindset. Be a novice. Allow yourself to be incompetent and enjoy the learning process without the need to be an expert.
Don’t take yourself too seriously. Your legacy will be brief, your mistakes forgotten, and the universe vast beyond comprehension. In the face of this, grandiosity is not only futile but also comical.
Accept your small, wonderful, and temporary role in the grand play. Be kind. Be curious. Be humble. Laugh often, particularly at yourself. Finally, a light heart indicates a life lived with profound wisdom rather than a trivial one. It is the clearest indication that you have understood the joke and are now, joyfully, in on it.
It is always beneficial to speak to a therapist to get a reality check. Your counsellor will hold a ‘mirror’ to you so that you can get the right perspective, which is a foundation for change and growth.
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