Grow from Your Regrets

Regret can become a burden in life. It weighs us down and makes our shoulders ache. However, it can also become the fuel that drives and inspires us rather than hinders and distracts us.

Learning to Grow from Your Mistakes

Researchers from UC Berkeley recently published a paper arguing that self-compassion might be the key to achieving either of these outcomes.

Participants were divided into four groups: The first group wrote about their biggest regret and approached the topic with self-compassion and understanding. The second group wrote about their regrets from a self-esteem perspective, focusing on their positive attributes rather than their negative ones. The third group journaled about their regrets from the stand point of self-esteem (the control group). The final group wrote about their regrets about being estranged from their parents or cheating on a partner.

Self-compassion is the key

Participants who took a self-compassionate perspective towards their regrets reported greater motivation for self-improvement than those in the self-esteem groups. They wanted to avoid the same mistake; they believed they had grown and learned from it.

Researchers also gauged the amount of acceptance and self-forgiveness that participants experienced after the writing exercise, believing that those variables might be significant. Acceptance was relevant: The self-compassion group scored higher in acceptance and was more motivated to improve than the other groups, even after self-forgiveness was taken out of the picture.

According to the researchers, an individual’s inability to confront their regret may prevent them from locating avenues for improvement. In other words, when we are more self-compassionate, we may face our regret more comprehensively and learn from it rather than denying it. After all, if we do not acknowledge our errors in the first place, how will we ever be able to avoid repeating them?

These findings indicate that practising self-compassion toward one’s regrets benefits everyone, but those who are already self-compassionate aren’t the only ones who benefit. The researchers’ other studies indicate that people who are highly self-compassionate or toward their regrets without being asked are rated as more motivated to improve by independent judges who read their writing. This finding is fascinating because it suggests that self-compassion uniquely exerts its effects, even after controlling for self-esteem.

In the first study, a straightforward prompt—”Imagine that you are discussing this regret with yourself from a sympathetic and understanding perspective. What words would you use?”—was enough to alter participants’ mindsets. If you have a heavy load of guilt, self-compassion may be less demanding than you think.

Getting ahead in your life

The research findings may be applied to daily life with ease. The Self-Compassionate Letter is a writing exercise that helps you handle regrets. You may write to yourself as you would to a friend to comfort yourself.

Regrets are a normal part of life, and you may have made many mistakes due to your circumstances, family, or even genes. You may also consider what you can do to improve your situation and avoid similar mistakes in the future.

If your past is holding you back, speak with a therapist. Call 9000850001 or click www.hopetrustindia.com