How to Cope with Emotional Abuse
Emotional abuse is the use of emotions to criticise, embarrass, shame, blame, or manipulate another person. While dating and married relationships are the most common, mental or emotional abuse can happen in any relationship, including with friends, family members, and colleagues.
An emotionally abusive is when there is a consistent pattern of harsh words and bullying behaviours that wear down a person’s confidence and undermine their mental health.
Emotional abuse’s underlying goal is to control the other person by discrediting, isolating, and silencing them. It is one of the most challenging forms of abuse to identify because it can be subtle and insidious. It can, however, be overt and manipulative.
Emotional abuse can erode your self-esteem and cause you to question your perceptions and reality. Finally, you may feel trapped. Emotionally abused people are frequently too wounded to stay in the relationship but also too afraid to leave. So, the cycle continues until something is done.
Signs of emotional abuse
Several red flags indicate emotional abuse. Emotional abuse is often subtle. As a result, detecting the signs can be difficult. However, when you consult a relationship counsellor, they can help you to find out if your relationship is abusive by discussing how your interactions make you feel.
If you feel hurt, frustrated, confused, misunderstood, depressed, anxious, or worthless whenever you interact with the other person, your relationship is likely to be emotionally abusive.
Recognising this can help you in breaking the cycle of emotional abuse:
- Here are some patterns of emotional abuse:
- Making irrational demands
- Expecting you to set aside everything to meet their needs
- Expecting you to spend all your time together dissatisfied regardless of how hard you try or how much you give
- Undermining, dismissing, or distorting your perceptions or reality
- Refusing to accept your feelings by attempting to define how you should feel
- Accusing you of being “too sensitive,” “too emotional,” or “crazy”
- Dismissing your requests, wants, and needs as ridiculous or unmerited
- Calling you selfish, needy, or materialistic if you express your wants or needs
- Starting arguments for the sake of creating arguments
- Having sudden mood swings or emotional outbursts
- Criticising your clothes, hair, or work
- Behaving erratically and unpredictably, you feel like you’re “walking on eggshells.”
- Making you feel guilty
- Humiliating you in public or private
- Punishing you by withholding affection or giving you the silent treatment
- Calling your opinions, ideas, values, and thoughts stupid, illogical, or “do not make sense”
- Using sarcasm when interacting with you – acting as if they are always correct, know what is best, and are smarter than you
- Choosing who you see or spend time with, including friends and family
- Digitally monitoring you, including text messages, social media, and email
- Accusing you of cheating and being jealous of outside relationships
- Demanding to know where you are at all times or using GPS to track your every move
- Treating you like a possession or property
- Criticising or making fun of your friends, family, and coworkers
Normal Conflict vs. Emotional Abuse
Conflict is an expected part of any relationship. However, if you feel bullied, disrespected, belittled, insulted, or dismissed during the conflict with the other person, this is a sign that it has crossed the line into emotional abuse.
The Effects of Emotional Abuse
According to research, the consequences of emotional abuse are just as severe as the consequences of physical abuse. Except that your wounds are invisible to others, hidden beneath the self-doubt, worthlessness, and self-loathing you may feel.
When you are the target of severe and ongoing emotional abuse, you may lose your entire sense of self. Continual accusations, verbal abuse, name-calling, criticisms, and gaslighting can erode yourself-esteemto the point where you can no longer see yourself realistically.
As a result, you may find yourself agreeing with the abuser and becoming internally critical. When this happens, you find yourself trapped in an abusive relationship, convinced that you will never be good enough for anyone else. You may eventually withdraw from friendships and isolate yourself, believing no one likes you.
Friendships can suffer as a result of emotional abuse because emotionally abused people frequently worry about how others perceive them and whether they genuinely like them.
Furthermore, emotional abuse can lead to various health issues. The mental health consequences include depression, anxiety, and, in some cases, the development of an eating disorder. Emotional abuse can also have a physical impact, causing stomach ulcers, heart palpitations, and insomnia.
How to Cope with Emotional Abuse
Recognising the abuse is the first step in dealing with an emotionally abusive relationship. If you do see any signs of emotional abuse in your relationship, you must acknowledge it right away.
You can reclaim control of your life by being open about your feelings. Here are seven save-your-life strategies you can put into action right now:
Prioritise yourself
Make yourself a priority when it comes to your mental and physical health. Stop trying to please the person who is abusing you. Take care of yourself.
Also, make sure to get enough rest and eat nutritious foods. These simple self-care steps can help you cope with the day-to-day stresses of emotional abuse.
Define Boundaries
Tell the abusive person that they are no longer allowed to yell at you, call you names, insult you, or be rude to you. Then, inform them of the consequences of their actions.
Tell them, for example, that if they call you names or insult you, the conversation will end, and you will leave the room. The key is to stick to your commitments. This sends a clear message to the other person that you will not tolerate emotional abuse.
Do not communicate boundaries that you do not intend to follow.
Stop Punishing Yourself
If you’ve been in an emotionally abusive relationship for a long time, you might think there’s something seriously wrong with you. But you are not the issue. Stop blaming yourself for something over which you have no control.
Recognise That You Can’t Fix Them
Regardless of your best efforts, you will never be able to change an emotionally abusive person by doing or being different. An abusive individual chooses to be mean.
Remember that you have no control over their actions and are not responsible for their decisions. The only thing you have control over is how you react to emotional abuse.
Avoid Participating
Do not interact with someone abusive. If an abuser tries to start an argument with you, insults you, demands things from you, or rages with jealousy, do not try to explain yourself, soothe their feelings, or apologise for things you did not do.
Engaging with an abuser only leads to more abuse and heartbreak. No matter how hard you try, you can’t make things right in their eyes.
Create a Support System
Although it can be difficult to tell someone that you are experiencing emotional abuse, doing so can be beneficial. Discuss your feelings with a trusted friend, family member, or counsellor. Spend as much time as possible away from the abusive person and with people who love and support you.
Healthy friends, confidantes or therapists will make you feel less lonely and isolated. They can also speak truth into your life and help you put things into perspective.
Prepare an Exit Strategy
You will not be able to stay in an abusive relationship indefinitely if your partner, friend, or family member has no intention of changing. It will eventually wear you down, both mentally and physically.
Depending on your circumstances, you may need to end the relationship. Every situation is unique. So, talk to a trusted friend, family member, or counsellor about your thoughts and feelings. Emotional abuse can be harmful in the long run, but it can also be a precursor to physical abuse and violence.
Remember that when the abused person decides to leave, the abuse often escalates. As a result, ensure you have a safety plan in place if the abuse worsens.
It takes time to recover from emotional abuse. Taking care of yourself, reaching out to supportive loved ones, and speaking with a therapist can be really helpful.
Click www.hopetrustindia.com for an online appointment with a therapist.