How to Deal with Betrayal in Your Relationship
Betrayal is when a close friend, lover, or family member betrays your trust. The worst betrayal always comes from the people we trust a lot.
Your partner’s adultery or your best buddy leaving you for a new friend may be seen as a betrayal. You could also feel deceived if your significant other didn’t stand up for you when others attack you. Or perhaps even if your best buddy knew you were down, they didn’t try to cheer you up.
Feeling betrayed can cause a whirlwind of complicated feelings that can be challenging to control.
What are the types of betrayal?
Any relationship can experience betrayal. It can happen with friends, family, and love relationships. More powerful organisations like the government or the healthcare system may also cause some people to feel betrayed.
When your Partner betrays you
When your significant other intentionally hurts you, it hurts. You will probably feel exposed to their behaviour because you relied on that person to stand by your side. People frequently lash out in anger, place blame on themselves, lose confidence, and withdraw after being betrayed.
A scientific investigation into the effects of interpersonal betrayals produced what researchers named ‘betrayal trauma’. Betraying a love partner is considered to be a type of interpersonal trauma
30% and 60% of people who had been betrayed romantically experienced PTSD, sadness, and anxiety. Trauma from betrayal can also harm one’s self-worth, cause mistrust in interpersonal connections, and trigger mental health issues.
You could feel betrayed if your partner crossed you by cheating, abusing you, or ghosting you. If they don’t give you their top priority or you notice that they keep breaking their promises, you might also feel deceived.
When a friend betrays you
We need friends for both our physical and mental wellness. For instance, their concern can make you feel less stressed and more like a part of the community.Strong friendships make us feel supported and deserving of deep relationships.
A friend’s betrayal can feel terrible. Someone who has experienced such hurt might not be open to new friendships.
Whether you are going through a difficult breakup, your parents may be divorcing, or you may be grieving the loss of a loved one,you will expect your closest friends to support you. You can feel betrayed if they don’t, especially if you’ve always been there for them.
When your family betrays you
Familial betrayal is the most terrible sort – because if you can’t trust your family to love you and protect you, who can you really trust? After all, the basis for your safe attachments is family love.
Lack of attention can feel betraying to newborns and young children who depend on carers for both emotional and physical support. Long-term harm may result from a lack of fundamental care.
Recent research on teens hurt by betrayal found that they had trouble keeping their emotions in check when a strong link was broken. In the study, mothers and their kids participated in a demanding lab assignment. Compared to their classmates who did not experience betrayal trauma, children who experienced it exhibited less positive communication and more aggressive behaviours.
Parents who struggle with substance addiction, alcoholism, or mental health issues but are not actively involved with their children run the risk of ignoring them. For their children, this lack of emotional responsiveness may have negative effects. Another example of family betrayal is when a sibling spreads rumours about you that get you into serious trouble.
Should you break up with your partner?
It is entirely up to you as an adult to decide whether to continue a relationship after being betrayed or to call it quits. Your choice will be influenced by the seriousness of the offense, your willingness or reluctance to extend forgiveness, and other elements.
To decide whether to end the relationship or not, ask yourself the following questions:
- How significant is your shared past?
- Have you both changed or become more distant?
- Is the person you care about accepting responsibility for their deeds?
- Has your beloved expressed regret for the betrayal?
- Is your loved one sorry and ready to apologise for their actions?
- Is your loved one open to seeking counselling to help the situation become better?
- Do you both intend to keep the relationship going?
- Can your relationship no longer be saved?
It’s acceptable to end the relationship if you decide to. You shouldn’t feel obligated to stay in a relationship that makes you unhappy. If you mend the relationship, that is also acceptable if your safety as long as your safety is not compromised.
In some circumstances, mending the relationship might result in a stronger and better bond than you had before.
Ask other friends or family members for guidance if you’re having trouble determining whether to end the connection. Another option is to speak with a relationship therapist, who can offer an objective viewpoint on your circumstances.
How to handle betrayed emotions
How do you move on and heal after a betrayal, even when controlling your emotions is difficult?
As someone said, “Don’t punish yourself for trusting people and getting betrayed. It’s not your fault.”
Recognise the betrayal. The first step is to recognise the circumstances and the fact that the betrayal occurred. Instead of remaining in denial, go through the process of clarification and acceptance.
Sit in your emotions. It’s acceptable to experience emotional pain, rage, disappointment, or embarrassment. Also, naming your feelings is beneficial. After all, a close relationship has been dissolved. Thus, it makes sense to feel these emotions.
Consider the state of your relationship before the betrayal. Be truthful to yourself. Even though what transpired wasn’t your fault, did you unintentionally participate or contribute in any way? Instead of placing blame on yourself, consider the situation objectively. Did you both move in opposite directions? Look at the benefits the connection brought you. Did it make your life more or less valuable?
Think about taking a break. You can distance yourself from the person who betrayed you if you believe the relationship can still be saved. You may become more aware of the issue as a result of this. You can also utilise this time to establish any necessary boundaries and discuss changes in the relationship.
Take some time to mourn. Know that it’s acceptable to be sad. It has changed whether you try to mend the relationship or end it.
Practice self-compassion. Recognise your own bravery and that you learned more about yourself and life. Betrayal can lead to growth, wisdom, and maturity.
Speak with a therapist.Talking to a relationship counsellor will help you vent your feelings safely, gain perspective and gain confidence to take the next step. If your partner is willing, you can both participate in therapy sessions, online or in-clinic.
If you are struggling with a breakup and wish to speak with a therapist, click www.hopetrustindia.com for an appointment.