I think I’m in Love, but am I?

If you feel you are in love, you can be in the beginning stages of a happy relationship. Your romantic feelings for your companion can develop naturally. However, there are occasions when you might not be in love and wonder whether you’re experiencing something else.

You can ignore reality and develop an idealised picture of your love interest. Your attraction to the other person may result from your perception of them. Or you may have an obsession with or passion for this person.

Sometimes it isn’t easy to pinpoint your feelings precisely. At the beginning of a relationship, people frequently believe they are in love. Sometimes after a relationship has ended, people build a romantic vision and think they are still in love.

Types of love

Psychologists have identified various sorts of love that people might experience because not all types of love are created equal. Such forms of love consist of:

Friendship: This kind of love entails liking someone and experiencing intimacy.

Infatuation: This type of love frequently involves strong attraction without any sense of commitment; it often occurs at the beginning of a relationship and may develop into a more enduring love.

Passionate love: Intense feelings of desire and longing is passionate love. It usually entails idealizing the other person and wishing to stay physically close.

Compassionate love: Compassionate love is characterized by trust, adoration, closeness, and dedication.

Unrequited love: This type of love occurs when someone loves someone else, but the other person does not feel the same way.

Is love cultural or biological?

Some academics contend that love is a fundamental human feeling, like happiness or anger. However, other scholars argue that love is a cultural phenomenon resulting partly from social constraints and expectations.

According to research, all civilisations have romantic love, which implies a significant biological component to love. Love is something that humans must seek out and experience by nature. However, culture dramatically impacts how people perceive, experience, and express romantic love.

When you are attracted to someone, you know it. From across the room, you make flirtatious eye contact with them and are attracted to them warmly. Dopamine, the “feel-good” neurotransmitter, and norepinephrine are both released in large quantities when we are attracted to someone. We could consequently experience euphoria.

However, the norepinephrine may also cause us to experience a raised heart rate, excitement, or panic. The reward circuits in the brain are linked to attraction. That could account for the mixed feelings of excitement and anxiety.

Interestingly, we don’t necessarily trust someone just because we are attracted to them. The association between attractiveness, reliability, and desire to date in online dating was recently explored.

For the study, 305 people aged 17–36 were polled. They were all heterosexual. The findings indicated that the young males who took part preferred women’s more appealing and beautified profiles. They wanted to date those women as well. In addition, they thought attractive women were less reliable.

Is it infatuation?

Ask yourself how you’re doing if you’re still determining if you’re in love. It’s not a sign of love if you’re fantasising about the ideal partner who visits Starbucks simultaneously while you’re at work. It denotes a crush. It sounds like infatuation when you don’t know someone well and think they are wonderful.

Feelings of infatuation develop swiftly. These emotions are not the result of a close relationship. Typically, love grows with time.

Even though someone is imperfect, we still adore them. Relationships based on closeness, camaraderie, esteem, and concern are more indicative of love.

What is lovesickness?

Lovesickness is a genuine condition. One moment you’re all fired up, and your heart is racing; the next, you’re feeling let down and disappointed. When you are lovesick, your feelings are all over the place. You can thank some brain chemicals for that.

You want this affection when you’re unmoored. According to research, those who struggle with substance abuse frequently experience mood swings. A 2017 study published in Philosophy, Psychiatry, and Psychologyshows a significant similarity. Researchers concluded that love could become as addictive as drugs can be for drug-dependent people.

Lack of sleep, a loss of appetite, and stomach knots are common physical symptoms of being lovesick. These symptoms frequently appear at the start of a relationship when you first start to fall for that particular someone.

These don’t feel like butterflies in your stomach before a first date. These are the more extreme manifestations of anxiety and obsessiveness.

Your depressing yearning for the guy you met on a dating app two years ago might also be called “lovesickness.” or the misery you get while dating someone who doesn’t love you. Perhaps even worse, it needs to be returned in kind.

When you’re lovesick, you could act impulsively, think obsessively, or even experience delusions that could be related to a mental disease.

Is it lust?

Lust is powerful sexual chemistry. Lust can appear at the start of a brief relationship or even continue during a long-term union. When your sexual attraction is overwhelming, and your need for sex is more significant than anything else, you may say you are in lust. Lust heavily depends on the sex hormones testosterone and oestrogen.

Remember that lust solely depends on physical attraction. It’s possible that you and the other individual don’t hold the same values. Sex is the main topic of conversation when you’re together.

Couples in love are passionate but communicate with a deeper emotional bond. They are devoted to one another. People in love also let their guard down and cherish their lover outside of the bedroom.

A test to find out if you’re in love

The experience of being in love is not pathological. If your sentiments concern attraction, infatuation, lust, or other emotions other than love, please respond to the following questions.

  • Are you thinking about this love of yours constantly?
  • Do your regular tasks suffer, and do you find it difficult to focus on other things?
  • Do you have an ideal of the other? Are you exaggerating the virtues of your love?
  • Are you so happy that it affects your judgment?
  • Do you feel you would be unable to breathe, think, or carry on without this person by your side?
  • When you experience signals of reciprocal love, do you feel euphoric?
  • Do your romantic daydreams and fantasies interfere with your work?
  • Are your heightened emotions preventing you from eating, sleeping, or both?
  • Do you experience fear, heart palpitations, and shakiness?
  • Do you experience feelings that are up and down?
  • Do you feel hopeless and depressed due to your breakup with your ex?
  • Are you confident that the person you accidentally ran into twice is the one you’ll spend the rest of your life with?
  • Do you frequently offer justifications for someone who doesn’t return your affection?
  • Do you feel that thinking about having sex with this person is all you can do?
  • Do you find yourself wanting to be physically touched by this person more than anything else?

Psychologists would claim you are not in love if your response to most questions is yes.

What is love?

You have developed a solid attachment to your spouse when a relationship advances. You have a deep, lasting affection for that person. Your relationship is significant and profound. They know your shortcomings, yet you have complete faith in them.

While lust, attraction, and infatuation can all continue to overlap, they typically signify the beginning of a romance. When you’re in love, you stop experiencing mood swings. Euphoria and anxiety are no longer the whole spectrum of emotions.

When you’re in a committed, intimate relationship, you stop doubting your feelings for that person. A confident calmness has replaced the doubts. Oxytocin is one hormone that plays a role in this advanced bonding stage. When we are in love, this neurotransmitter binds people together and helps us feel more secure and connected.

How to practice love

There are numerous ways to demonstrate affection. Everyone brings their past and needs to every relationship, making them all unique. You can express love to the people you care about by doing things like:

  • Be prepared to show vulnerability
  • Be prepared to pardon
  • Do your best, and if you make a mistake, be ready to apologise
  • Let them know you care about them
  • Take note of what they are saying
  • Make spending time with the other person a priority
  • Kindness and kind actions should be reciprocated
  • Recognise and appreciate their positive traits
  • Be affectionate
  • Make it unqualified

How does love impact your life?

Love, attachment, and affection significantly impact your health and quality of life. Relationships of love have been associated with the following:

  • Reduced heart disease risk
  • extended lifespan
  • lower levels of stress
  • Reduced depression
  • Decreased risk of diabetes

Possible pitfalls

Shakespeare once remarked that love’s journey is never easy. There will always be issues, arguments, miscommunications, and disappointments because no flawless relationship can cause stress or grief.

Thus, although love is linked to many lovely sentiments, it can also result in unpleasant emotions. The following are some potential hazards of falling in love:

  • Anxiety Depression
  • Heightened stress
  • Jealousy
  • Obsessiveness
  • Possessiveness
  • Sadness

People will inevitably feel some unpleasant emotions when they fall in love. Still, it can become troublesome if they exceed the positive or start to affect either person’s ability to function properly. Couples needing assistance coping with emotional problems, stress, or miscommunication may benefit from relationship counselling.

Message from Hope Trust

Understand that it’s common to experience all of these emotions at some point in your lifetime, even if you’re having trouble identifying if your feelings are love or another emotion.

If you are worrying about a current, possible, or even previous companion or facing issues in your relationship, a therapist will offer a safe, nonjudgmental environment to help you explore your thoughts and find solutions.

Click www.hopetrustindia.com for an appointment with a relationship counsellor.