The Sacred Within: How Your Relationship with Yourself Affects Everything Else
From childhood, Indian life teaches us the value of relationships. We love our friends, honour our teachers, and respect our parents (matru devo bhava, pitru devo bhava). Family, community, and social duty often define us. Yet we often neglect our most important relationship: the one with ourselves, as we focus outward to fulfil roles as dutiful children, responsible parents, or successful professionals.
We look for validation, love, and acceptance from others, hoping they will fill a silent void. But perhaps happiness, healthy relationships, and a calm perspective come from looking within, not outward. What if ancient Indian sages and scriptures pointed not to distant deities, but to the profound divinity and wisdom within each individual?
This is the most important thing to remember: The relationship you have with yourself is the most important relationship you will ever have. It is the soil from which everything else in your life grows, including your self-esteem, your definition of success, your ability to love, and even the way you see the world.
The Indian Philosophical Blueprint: The Self is the Highest
Indian philosophy mapped the inner universe long before modern psychology gave us terms like “self-actualization” and “mindfulness.” The Mahavakya, or “great statement,” is a core idea in the Upanishads, which form the philosophical foundation of Hinduism. It says, “Tat Tvam Asi,” which means “Thou Art That.” This is more than poetry. It is a radical statement—Atman (the individual soul) and Brahman (the universal consciousness) are one and the same. Divinity, the ultimate reality, is not a distant force in the heavens. It is the essence of your existence.
When we don’t connect with ourselves, we are, in a way, living in a state of self-ignorance, or Avidya. The Bhagavad Gita, India’s timeless manual for life, delves deep into this. Arjuna’s crisis on the battlefield of Kurukshetra transcends mere political conflict; it represents a profound existential crisis of identity.
He doesn’t know what his duty (dharma) is because he isn’t in touch with his true Self. The whole point of Lord Krishna’s talk is to help Arjuna find his true self, or swaroopa.
Krishna says: “Yoga-sthah kuru karmani sangam tyaktva dhananjaya
Siddhy-asiddhyoh samo bhutva samatvam yoga ucyate.” (Bg. 2.48)
“Do your duty as a yogi, O Dhananjaya (Arjuna), without getting too attached to things, and stay calm whether you win or lose.” Yoga is the name for this balance.
This “equilibrium” is not a state of rest. It is the dynamic inner stability that comes from having a strong, unbreakable relationship with the Self. When you are grounded in this relationship, outside events—praise and criticism, gain and loss, success and failure—can no longer shake your core self.
How This Relationship Inside You Affects How You See the World
Your worldview is like a map that helps you navigate the real world. If this map is based on external sources that change frequently, such as social media trends, peer pressure, and family expectations, it will be weak and not very useful. When you chart your map from the inside, it becomes a real compass.
Think about the idea of Maya. Maya is often called “illusion,” but it’s better to think of it as the phenomenal world we see with our senses, which is always changing and relative. When we lose touch with our true selves, we think that Maya is the only real thing.
We think that getting a bigger car, a better job, or fame on social media will make us happy for a long time. We look at the world through a lens of fear, competition, and lack.
But as you learn more about yourself, you can see through Maya. You realise the outside world is real. However, it doesn’t hold as much power over your inner peace as you might think. When you cultivate a witness consciousness (Sakshi Bhava), you learn to observe your thoughts, emotions, and life events without getting swept away. This doesn’t make you distant or cold. It gives you a new way to interact—with understanding and kindness, not fear or anger. The world remains the same, but your perception changes entirely.
Next, consider how your relationship with yourself shapes self-esteem—shifting from seeking approval from others to finding strength within.
Many people in India today, especially the young, face a constant crossfire of expectations. You have to be an engineer or a doctor. Get married by a certain age. Buy a house. Show off a perfect life on Instagram. When you tie your self-worth to these outside goals, your self-esteem becomes volatile. A promotion lifts it, but a negative family comment brings it down.
This is the prison of life; chains break when you connect with yourself. Self-esteem that comes from getting to know yourself is not something that changes. It is a strong, unchanging sense of your own value.
You start to value your own path, your strengths, and even your weaknesses, knowing that they are all part of being human. One of the Niyamas (observances) in Patanjali’s Yoga Sutras is Svadhyaya (self-study), which is very important here. Svadhyaya isn’t just reading religious texts; it’s also paying attention to your own mind without judging it.
You stop needing the world to give you a standing ovation to feel good about yourself as you practise Svadhyaya. You are the one who gives yourself validation. You learn to be proud of your work, not just the results. You no longer have to win your self-worth from the world; you have found it within yourself, from the world; you have found it within yourself.
Changing the relationship with the Self offers a deep course correction in a culture increasingly obsessed with material signs of success.
The never-ending quest for “having more” is a bottomless pit. It comes from the idea that we aren’t whole and that things from the outside will make us whole. This script is turned on its head by self-discovery. It teaches us that success isn’t about what you have, but who you become along the way.
It helps you live in line with your Svadharma, your true path and duty. Your work becomes a way to express who you are inside, like Karma Yoga, the yoga of selfless action. You do your best without being attached to the results. your best without being attached to the results.
If you are in touch with yourself, you might still want to achieve great things. But your reasons change. There is no need to prove your worth or outdo others. Motivation now comes from creativity, a desire to make a difference, and pure enjoyment of the task. Your success is no longer measured just by your bank balance. It is measured by your inner integrity, peace, and the good you contribute. The Gita reminds us: “You have the right to do your duty, not to the results”.
The Ripple Effect: How Your Inner Life Affects Your Relationships with Others
An empty cup cannot pour. If you constantly criticize yourself, feel insecure, or ignore your pain, that is what spills into your relationships. You will look to partners, friends, and children to fill your own void. This puts too much pressure on them. It leads to jealousy, co-dependency, and ongoing conflict.
When you love and care for yourself, you connect with others from a place of abundance, not lack.
- In Love: You stop looking for someone to “make you whole.” You are already complete. This lets you get into a partnership because you want to, not because you have to. You can love without being afraid of losing someone or being attached to them. In Indian thought, the ideal of love is to see the divine in the other person (a reflection of your own inner divinity) rather than owning them.
- In Family: When you are confident in yourself, you can do your family duties with real love instead of feeling like you have to. You can set healthy limits without feeling bad about it, and you can help others without making them dependent on you. Instead of being a source of anxious expectations, you become a source of stable, unconditional love.
- In Friendship: Your friendships are based on helping each other grow and having fun, not on gossip or business needs. You draw in and grow healthier relationships because you won’t put up with disrespect or toxicity anymore. You value yourself too much.
People can feel your inner peace as a safe place. You can accept others as they are because you accept yourself. So, the journey of self-discovery you go on is a gift you give to everyone around you.
The Real-Life Practice of Getting in Touch with Yourself
This isn’t something you do once; it’s something you do every day, or “Sadhana.” The ancient rishis gave us powerful tools, and modern science is now proving that they work.
- Meditation (Dhyana): This is a must. Sitting in silence and watching your breath for just 15 minutes a day can help you separate your thoughts from your body. This is the most direct way to feel the witness consciousness.
- Mindful journaling (a modern Svadhyaya): Put your thoughts and feelings down on paper without judging them. Think about what you really care about. “What makes me happy without any outside reward?” “Where am I looking for approval?” Each step you take to know yourself better is a step toward lasting peace, true connection, and a life that reflects your deepest values. The journey inward is the most rewarding one you will ever take.
- Spend time in nature: Being in a forest or by the ocean can quiet the mind and remind us of how small we are in the grand scheme of things.
- Choose what you put into your mind: The constant noise of news and social media makes it hard to connect with yourself. Make some parts of your day digital-free.
- Be kind to yourself: Talk to yourself like you would to a close friend who is having a hard time. You may never be able to get rid of the inner critic completely, but you can learn to stop believing everything it says.
The Way Back Home
Turning inward is a radical and revolutionary act in a world that always pulls our attention outward. It is the best homecoming. The Indian spiritual tradition is not a way to escape reality; it is a deep, useful, and well-tested science of inner engineering.
Your relationship with yourself is the quiet, sacred thread that holds all of the pearls in your life together. The pearls would be lost and scattered without it. With it, they form a beautiful, cohesive, and resilient whole. It is the base on which you can build a life that is not just about surviving, but about living with meaning, purpose, and happiness.
So, take a deep breath, look inside yourself, and start the most important conversation of your life: the one with the magnificent, limitless, and divine You.
Most often, a therapist can motivate you to start the journey, by first clearing all the samskaras (the accumulated mental and emotional blocks that colour your vision of self and the world).
Click www.hopetrustindia.com for an online session with a therapist.