4 Ways to Become Emotionally More Self-Aware

What are we? We all share a common human experience, with similar bodies: one stomach, two eyes and ears, and one nose.

Yet we are all different.

What makes us different? Our inner feelings determine our attitudes and actions. If we are kind, loving, compassionate, and forgiving, more people will like us, and our social interactions will significantly improve.

On the other hand, if we are infused with unresolved shame, guilt, anger, and resentment, our behaviour reinforces these feelings and adversely impacts our social interactions and self-esteem.

The importance of self-knowledge

Self-knowledge is not merely a journey of discovering our feelings; it’s a key that unlocks our potential. A profound understanding of our emotional makeup allows us to truly ‘know ourselves’ and embark on a transformative path towards personal growth and self-improvement.

Throughout history, great thinkers and spiritual texts have emphasised the importance of self-awareness.

Through constant self-examination, Socrates highlights the importance of self-awareness in leading a fulfilling life: “The unexamined life is not worth living.”

Aristotle wrote, “Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.” This quote underscores the idea that self-knowledge is foundational for understanding the world and making wise decisions.

The Bhagavad Gita, the great Hindu text, states that “He who sees himself in all beings and all beings in him, attains the highest Brahman, not by any other means.” This verse emphasises understanding oneself in unity with all existence, a profound level of self-awareness, and connectivity,

When you are in therapy, your therapist will look for emotional cues that indicate your state of mind and any issues you may face. Our feelings are indeed the windows to our souls.

Emotional intelligence

Self-awareness is at the heart of emotional intelligence. It means identifying and understanding our emotions and their impact on our thoughts, behaviours, and others.

Our emotions tell us a lot about our inner lives. Emotions are a multiplex mosaic that shapes the lens through which we see the world. When we tune into this insight into our internal world and meet all the feelings with curiosity and compassion, we can find inner strength and resolve that will serve us well.

Here are four practices that can help improve your self-awareness and emotional well-being:

  1. Get curious about your emotional home. Our emotional home is a learned emotional state of being. It is where we seek out and stay most of the time because it feels familiar. Going back there has become a habit because the patterns are recognisable, even if it might not be the healthiest and safest place for us to be.

For example, someone’s emotional home could be anger. This person could be on vacation, looking out at the most beautiful vista in the world, and still find something to be angry about. Someone else’s emotional home may be chaotic and dysfunctional. This person may find themselves in workplaces or chaotic and dysfunctional relationships because, on some deep level, this feels “normal.” Others may have lighter emotional homes of peace, ease, or joy.

Ask yourself: What is my emotional home? Where do I find myself emotionally most of the time? Are there renovations I want to make to cultivate my desired emotional home?

The beautiful thing is that once we take inventory of our emotional home, we can use that deep and personal insight to move into transformational change. There’s power in knowing that you are the architect of creating an emotional home that aligns with what wellness looks like for you.

  1. Explore your inner emotional ecosystem. Our emotional tapestry will look very different depending on our upbringing, lived experience, culture, geography, and values. Each of us holds so much wisdom about our emotional landscapes. You are your own expert; you know yourself better than anyone else. Be kind to yourself as you explore your inner world of emotions. There is no room for judgment, blame, or shame.
  • Engage with the following prompts at any level of comfort that best serves you:
  • What is my relationship with emotional health like?
  • When I was growing up, I was encouraged to express the following emotions: ____
  • When growing up, the following emotions were discouraged: ____
  • It is easy to express these emotions: ____
  • It is difficult to express these emotions: ____
  • My most trusted response to uncomfortable emotions: ____
  • I want to feel more of these emotions: ____

If you notice that you don’t like one of these questions, that can also be a useful clue. Please spend some time there when you’re ready because that is often where you’ll get the biggest insight.

  1. Practice being mindfully present. Emotional self-awareness requires us to be present, which can be hard when so many of us are on autopilot and busy multitasking. Mindfulness is slowing down long enough to bring awareness to our thoughts, emotions, and bodily sensations without judgment.

Being present on purpose allows us to tune into our emotional experiences with curiosity. Noticing how we feel as we move through our days is critical to working effectively with our emotions. When genuinely aware of our feelings, we can give ourselves the attention we need to care for our emotional state. Then, we can move toward how we genuinely wish to feel.

  1. See it. Name it. Place it. Action it. We don’t get to pick the emotions that show up for us, just like we cannot pick all the thoughts that pop into our minds. Where we do have control is in how we respond. We get to choose the actions we take. Through identification and compassion, we can allow ourselves to feel the feelings and learn how to use the information from our emotions as guides, not as directives that have power over us.

This strategy helps us to do just that:

  • See it: Notice what you are feeling.
  • Name it: Name the feeling as precisely as you can.
  • Place it: Where is the feeling likely coming from?
  • Action it: What am I going to do with it?

Shifting to a place of being an observer of our emotions can cultivate self-discovery and awareness building. Rather than saying, “I am anxious,” try, “I notice I am feeling anxious.” The shift in language from “I am” to “I notice I am feeling” creates a bit of spaciousness between you and the emotion you are experiencing.

Here is an example of how this might work for you:

  1. See it: I notice I am feeling anxious and experiencing a tightness in my chest.
  2. Name it: I see you, anxiety.
  3. Place it: This anxiety likely comes from my upcoming work presentation.
  4. Action it: Thank you for reminding me to feel safe. I will do some deep breathing exercises to calm down before the presentation.

Our emotions are meant to trigger actions. The mind can let it go as soon as we see it, name it, place it, and action it.

Final Thoughts

Cultivating emotional self-awareness is difficult, but gaining insight into our emotional landscape, honouring our emotions as allies, and incorporating these small practices into our lives can radically improve our emotional well-being.

A therapist is an invaluable ally in the process. The counselling process involves identifying and naming our emotions and tracing the triggers.

Click www.hopetrustindia.com for an online appointment with a therapist.